Perhaps it is time to check in with myself here at the end of 2025. You are welcome to follow along for a bit.

A troubling lump has appeared at the back of my left knee. It could be anything but the main worry is that it is the return of my Mantle Cell Lymphoma. I’ve been scanned and inspected head to toe. There is not enough information to diagnose yet and I’m impatient. The next thing will be a biopsy. That’s how my cancer was originally diagnosed in 2020.

I went xc skiing anyway yesterday morning anyway.

I have been healthy otherwise. There are issues with visual migraines and fatigue but I’m starting to think that is the way I will feel of and on for the rest of my life. Last winter I was sick a lot and the docs put me on immunoglobulin infusions to try to boost my immune system. I think it worked.

For those of you who don’t know;

In 2000 I was diagnosed with Mantle Cell Lymphoma which explained my exhaustion among other things. 2021 was full of chemo and hospital stays and losing all the fat and muscle on my body. Probably also losing my mind. Or perhaps regaining it after the previous dozen years as a parent. I still have scars. Physical ones as well. Then there was the mystery lung infection that landed me back in the hospital. In 2022 when I was starting to feel better I got Covid. This lasted more than 6 months and made a mess of my body. Then I started to get better and so I fell off a ladder and broke multiple ribs. This was two years ago and I still feel sore from that.

During all this time I have had hundreds of blood tests and infusions, dozens of CT scans, PET scans and MRIs. I drank an awful lot of electric koolaid. Last winter I was mildly sick from most of the winter with a sinus infection that ruined my hearing and balance. The docs put me on monthly immunogloblulin infusions that helped me eventually shake that infection.

During all that down time when I was only capable of sitting I did a lot thinking about what I wanted to if given a limited amount of time. Not necessarily a “legacy” in my field but what did I want to “do”

Also during all this time my professional reputation, fame and demand for my services as an architect increased to way more than I can handle by myself so I said no a lot. I’m still working off a small desk in my small house…oh yes that’s another thing. We added a whole second floor so now I have twice as much space. Air tight and insulated but mostly unfinished.

I did some bike riding this summer but I’m not able to scamper up hills like I used to in my 40’s. Also, I’m xc skiing slower and no trail running. I nap a lot. I work a lot and I cook a lot. One dog died last year and the other is very much slowing down so they are not pulling me out into the woods everyday. I have bad days and good days. I’m not done yet.

When I was in 8th grade I started playing the trombone. This after 3 years of playing the flute which was not a good fit. Trombone was fun. I had 6 lessons over the course of that summer and was unleashed on Jr. high band. For the next 5 years I was a band geek in a large band and occasionally I practiced. I was not very good.

I played a bit at my college where I studied architecture where there was a loosely organized jazz band that I occasionally showed up for if it wasn’t too close to the end of the semester to spare the time.

For the next 28 years I carried my trombone with me and occasionally got it out to shine up and play a bit. It wasn’t until I built my 30x40 barn that I had a place I could play. And the acoustics are amazing. It is only really warm enough to play for a few months in the summer. I started practicing some etudes and scales I had in a few old books. Self taught as usual. Which means I don’t know much about theory or technique. But is is fun to make progress.

Summer 2025. I started playing my trombone again out in the barn and found that I was finally physically able to do so without being limited by my health and so I spent a bit of time working on trying to develop my embouchure (musculature and control at the mouthpiece). Somebody….. signed me up for a local jazz ensemble through the Vermont Jazz Center. So here I am getting back to this old passion of playing the trombone. This is a thing I want to do.

I am involved with other online communities – EtreArchitect, architecture and building, xc skiing, cycling, cancer - specifically Mantle Cell Lymphoma and now the trombone world. I have made many great personal friends over the years through these communities. You know who you are.

Robert Swinburne